I eat icecream twice a day and STILL have skinny arms.

There are a few valuable things that the brothel has taught me. Well, many valuable things. But aside from avoiding the dining room on hot chicken salad day and not turning up the music in the bathroom too early in the morning, sorority life has taught me how to carry myself.

Literally.

Follow me along as we discover the ways of the sorostitute stance.

Now, OF COURSE, there is the sorority squat.

The squat takes place when you have too many people to all stand in one line. Or, in this case, to show how my high school has continued it's presence at the brothel. Up top: the seniors. Next: the juniors. Etc., ending with the new freshman baby on bid day.

But that isn't what we're discussing today.

Today, we are discussing the skinny arm.

Like this?

Nope.

The skinny arm is what happens when you put your hand up on your hip. That's right, like the song (You put yo hand up on yo hip, when I dip, you dip, we dip.).

Once the hand is on the hip, you accentuate your waist and your arm appears skinnier.

"How does this miracle occur!?" you might ask. "Teach me your ways, Sensei!"

When the arm is flat against the body it appears 2 dimensional. AKA fat. 3 dimensional= skinny.

A proper sorostitute does the skinny arm at all times.

Observe.

Skinny arm with one other person:

Skinny arm with a small group of friends (think...sexy looking bookends):

Skinny arm with a large group of friends:

Skinny arm when you're dressed like a fool:

Skinny arm with boys:

Skinny arm when you're dressed like a fool with boys:

The skinny arm also helps you avoid looking awkward.

Ya know why this picture is awkward?

Because there is no skinny arm present.

Or this one:

Do you see a skinny arm? Nope.

No skinny arm=awkward, 2D, fatty mcfat pictures.

Now my eldest sister, Ashley, thinks the skinny arm is ridiculous. Over Easter she made fun of all new age sorostitutes by waving her arms over her head, Circle of Life style, before placing them on her hips in a gigantic gesture. The rest of us just lift our arm and put our hand on our hip.

Check out how skinny we all look though (yes, even you Hunter):

Egg dying isn't the expected environment for the skinny arm, but I like where your head's at, Ash.

The problem in today's society is that we put too much pressure on young women to be skinny. Oh, I'm not talking about myself. I am 21 and very well aged and matured. I'm talking about high school girls.

Because prom pictures have gone up on Facebook. And, you guessed it, they have learned the skinny arm.

Let me point out that the skinny arm is a right of passage.

Now, as a disclaimer to all you anti-greek people that think sororities are a university's way of forming middle school cliques and excluding all the non-Greekers, I am not saying that you must be Greek to do the skinny arm. I am simply saying that young girls should not be worried about their arm fat. They should leave that up to old hags like me and enjoy their punch and cookies.