Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Mother may I?

I love the Duggars. And any other quickly multiplying family that TLC has to offer. Yet at this time in my life, the only reason I want a kid is to give me something to blog about.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Snacks on the go

So it's back to school time and sitting through my classes has reminded me of something I meant to list out all last year.

Foods you shouldn't eat in class. All from personal experience.

Oranges. I decided to bring an orange to class one day and not only is it a messy fruit to peel, you get that shimmery film all over your hands which makes it dang near impossible to take any legible notes.

Chips. Could you choose a louder snack? A kid in one of my classes brought sun chips to our small class of 16 and did that thing where you try to open the bag slowly so it doesn't make a loud noise all at once but ends up just crinkling and crunching way longer than necessary. Just put the bag out of it's misery and open all at once.

Which leads us to pretzels. Like chips, it's possibly one of the loudest foods to eat. Plus you get crumbles all over yourself.

Trying to avoid crumbs? Maybe you'll eat an apple. On second thought, don't. It's a whole nother classification of loud foods. Instead of the crinkling of the bag, you get the loud slurping bites out of an apple. You'll probably forget to bring a napkin and end up drooling on yourself a little.

Last but not least, takeout. You'd think this one would be implied by the fact that it's an entire meal in a box, but I've seen it happen. You've got your loud styrofoam container with your plastic fork and it wouldn't be a big deal except that more than likely you will smell up the entire room. Which will either repulse your classmates or leave them thinking about lunch for the next 75 minutes.

When picking a snack for class, choose wisely.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Doggone dead.

An article published in the UGA Red and Black the other day gave a profile on a 23-year-old student who had just been arrested for the fourth time.

First off, that's not normal. After the first time you should give yourself a firm slap on the wrist. After the second time you should reconstruct your list of priorities. After the third time you should probably just lock yourself away.

So the last three offenses had to do with drunk driving, swerving, etc. Somewhat normal things. Her first offense, however, was for killing 7 puppies and leaving them in a box (with her address on it) behind a gas station.

WHO THE HELL KILLS PUPPIES!?

Like of all things people want to do to puppies (cuddle, kiss, walk, name) you chose to KILL them? Pretty sure that's a guaranteed ticket to hell. Pretty sure she'll be offered an executive position in hell.

Here's the article.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Break it down

In the midst of recruitment I have caught a cold and am in serious need of a dose of testosterone. Needlesstosay, I haven't had much time to post. That being said, I found this awesome video of the girl from Step Up and all the Missy Elliot videos dancing. Pretty sure this is what I looked like that time I decided to quit my state championship volleyball team and take up hip hop dance with middle schoolers.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

riDictionary.

Over the past few years I've accumulated words that I like and I use them as my own form of jargon. I've gotten lots of comments on my personal slang and I think it's about time I explain some of them.

Naturally, most of my words are ridiculous. So I'm gonna call this my:

riDictionary.


Fly (adj.)
1. Cool. Bring yourself back to the 90's for this one.
In a sentence: "Yo Coolio! I know your crew says your hair is whack but I think it looks fly!"



Grill (noun)
1. Space. Personal bubble, per se. Usually preceded by "all up in my".
In a sentence: "Girlfriend. Your breath smells rank and you are all up in my grill. Take a generous step backwards, por favor."


Homeboy (noun)
1. Boyfriend. I used this one for about 6 months before I admitted I was dating my current manfriend. Speaking of manfriend, it is interchangeable with homeboy in this situation. This word is for those of you that hate the "b-friend" word and wait an awkward amount of time before committing.
In a sentence: "Homeboy cornered me and made me DTR. Guess he's my b-b-b-b-boyfriend now."
2. A male that is annoying you. This can frequently be the homeboy from #1. Most likely is. Ok, like almost always.
In a sentence: "Homeboy. Has it occurred to you since you moved in a year ago to clean your George Foreman?" (That sentence recently passed across my lips at which point homeboy responded, "I don't clean my grill outside, I don't clean my grill inside." He also didn't clean his sheets for 8 months. We're working through some things.)



Hoodrat (noun)
1. Stems from 0:54 in this video. Usually used in reference to a troublemaker or someone that lives in the city, possibly steals cars or wears his pants low enough to make you want to shade Grandma's eyes.
In a sentence: "I took the wheel out of my trunk and put it on my front yard to make room in my car and when I was on my way back I saw some hoodrat walking down the road with it." (Also a true story, courtesy of homeboy who resides in the ATL.)


Junk (noun, sometimes plural.)
1. Privates. Interchangable with "girl parts" or "boyparts", also words in my riDictionary. I try to stay away from crude language and both the "P" and "V" words, so adopting these PG-friendly phrases helps me out.
In a sentence: "Yea, boyshort undies are cute and all but they get all up in my junk when I wear them with jeans."
2. See: Grill. This is often confusing but hopefully when used in context your fellow conversater will get what your sayin.
In a sentence: "I'm trying to concentrate but you're all up in my junk with your heavy breathing and lack of knowledge of personal bubbles."


Nastynasty (noun)
1. Grossness. Especially includes bodily fluids.
In a sentence: "Eventually, I want to have kids but I don't want to deal with all their nastynasty so I'm gonna bring them to my mom's for diaper changes, nose wipes, and spit ups."




Woo (noun)
1. Ya know when you try on pants and they're awkwardly long right in the crotch? So you have that extra inch of fabric hanging down in case of a sex change or something? Yea...that's a woo.
In a sentence: "I was gonna buy this cute pair of jeans but the woo was out of this world. I could've hoarded things in there."


Enjoy your new knowledge of my vocabulary. Wish me luck that words from the riDictionary are on the GRE.