Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Mirror, mirror on all the walls...

Zumba is all the rage these days. It's a mix of aerobics, hip-hop and Latin dance. I saw that the UNC rec center offers a class on Tuesday and Thursday nights so I decided to check it out.

It has since come to my attention that I am white.

Much whiter than I thought I was.

While we were doing Aladdin moves, shuffling right and then back left - everyone looked like Jai Ho goddesses and I looked like a nervous crab scurrying back and forth. And when the instructor told us to put our hands on our knees and drop it low, everyone else looking like music video divas, I looked like the Hunchback of Notre Dame trying to pass a hairball.

The problem, however, can't possibly be my dancing ability. As we all remember (or should), I stood out at my senior year hip-hop recital. Mostly because I stood a foot taller than everyone else in my middle school-dominated class. But also because of my Shakira-like skills. When I go to weddings, bars, my kitchen, wherever - I love to bust a move. And I do it with confidence.

Maybe I should rethink that.

Or maybe, since my dancing ability is infallible, I only look like I can't dance because there are mirrors on the walls. This must be it.

These mirrors make it seem that when we squat and get low, I am the least low in the room. Could it be that my quads aren't as strong as everyone else's? Or is it the mirrors? I do believe it's the latter.

And when we try a new sequence of turns and taps, it appears that I am off-rhythm and borderline drunk. Is it because I am more "Pumba" than "zumba?" Or is it just that the mirrors make it look that way? Again, it must be the mirrors.

Luckily, when I'm out in public I am never in a room lined with mirrors. Which gives me permission to drop it like it's hot and two-step with the confidence I had prior to tonight.

World...you are welcome.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Thanksgiving Thanks

It's almost Thanksgiving. My sisters and brothers-in-law are coming in town and the '57 Chevy is already filled up with Tupperwares of various cookies.

One of the things I'm most thankful for this year is the example of marriage set by my parents.

In fact, parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, and even sisters. Call it luck, hard work or stubborn commitment, but no one in my family has divorced. But it isn't just about divorce.

Earlier this semester, I took a Myers-Briggs test for class and got the results back, ironically, the day after I wrote the Ways to Pin for Your Husband blog. Turns out I'm an INTJ, meaning I'm independent, question everything and believe everything can be improved. We were given packets of information about our personality types and, to me, it was scarily on point.

Less than 2% of women are INTJs, and a big part of the personality type is a distaste for tradition. Here's an excerpt from my profile packet:
"Many of the traits described above - independence, objectivity, and control - fly in the face of traditional feminine models. Moreover, the INTJ's need to challenge tradition and improve everything can cause friction in the male-dominated workplace. This conflict can lead to rejection by both genders: Males simply don't understand or know how to cope with the female INTJ's independence; other women see the INTJ female as arrogant, caring for no one but herself. Indeed, INTJ women often have little patience for women who display traditional feminine characteristics."
I tried to look past how it says people think I'm arrogant and that I'll never fit in at work. Instead, things I've felt/thought for a long time about tradition suddenly felt justified. I've never wanted to do/say/believe things just cause someone says I should. And all this translates to relationships for me.

I've said it before - I see marriage as a partnership. I see no reason that a man should be the authority solely because he's got man parts. I'd rather not have an "authority" in my marriage. Each person has different strengths and a marriage should be finding the right combination of those to make a life together work. It disappoints me and the Feminist Movement when ambitious, intelligent women get married and take the back seat in life the second they say "I do."

This has nothing to do with being a stay-at-home-mom. My mom stayed home with us for about 16 years and it wasn't a secret that she was the head of the household. This has to do with the passivity that comes along with the belief that a woman needs a man to lead her through life. Cause there's just no way she'd be able to find her way on her own.

But the examples of successful relationships around me show that vows come true - there will be thick and thin, sickness and health, rich and poor, good times and bad - and the best way to face that is with a partner. Not a boss. To not give up on the partnership, to work on always maintaining the partnership, and to believe in the partnership.

This is a lot of talk from someone who's never been married. But on this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that when the time is right, I'll have several positive examples to turn to, and that up until this point I've been surrounded by great examples of strong women, give-and-take relationships, and sustainable marriages.

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!