Thanksgiving Thanks

It's almost Thanksgiving. My sisters and brothers-in-law are coming in town and the '57 Chevy is already filled up with Tupperwares of various cookies.

One of the things I'm most thankful for this year is the example of marriage set by my parents.

In fact, parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, and even sisters. Call it luck, hard work or stubborn commitment, but no one in my family has divorced. But it isn't just about divorce.

Earlier this semester, I took a Myers-Briggs test for class and got the results back, ironically, the day after I wrote the Ways to Pin for Your Husband blog. Turns out I'm an INTJ, meaning I'm independent, question everything and believe everything can be improved. We were given packets of information about our personality types and, to me, it was scarily on point.

Less than 2% of women are INTJs, and a big part of the personality type is a distaste for tradition. Here's an excerpt from my profile packet:

"Many of the traits described above - independence, objectivity, and control - fly in the face of traditional feminine models. Moreover, the INTJ's need to challenge tradition and improve everything can cause friction in the male-dominated workplace. This conflict can lead to rejection by both genders: Males simply don't understand or know how to cope with the female INTJ's independence; other women see the INTJ female as arrogant, caring for no one but herself. Indeed, INTJ women often have little patience for women who display traditional feminine characteristics."

I tried to look past how it says people think I'm arrogant and that I'll never fit in at work. Instead, things I've felt/thought for a long time about tradition suddenly felt justified. I've never wanted to do/say/believe things just cause someone says I should. And all this translates to relationships for me.

I've said it before - I see marriage as a partnership. I see no reason that a man should be the authority solely because he's got man parts. I'd rather not have an "authority" in my marriage. Each person has different strengths and a marriage should be finding the right combination of those to make a life together work. It disappoints me and the Feminist Movement when ambitious, intelligent women get married and take the back seat in life the second they say "I do."

This has nothing to do with being a stay-at-home-mom. My mom stayed home with us for about 16 years and it wasn't a secret that she was the head of the household. This has to do with the passivity that comes along with the belief that a woman needs a man to lead her through life. Cause there's just no way she'd be able to find her way on her own.

But the examples of successful relationships around me show that vows come true - there will be thick and thin, sickness and health, rich and poor, good times and bad - and the best way to face that is with a partner. Not a boss. To not give up on the partnership, to work on always maintaining the partnership, and to believe in the partnership.

This is a lot of talk from someone who's never been married. But on this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that when the time is right, I'll have several positive examples to turn to, and that up until this point I've been surrounded by great examples of strong women, give-and-take relationships, and sustainable marriages.

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!