A note.

Dear bicyclists,

You all suck.

I've never liked you. Maybe when you're normal citizens, yes. But as soon as you get on your little two-wheeled demons, I lose all respect for you.

There is a reason you learn to ride a bike when you're 5. Because you're supposed to get it out of your system by the time you turn 10. By the time you go to college, you should have totally forgotten what a bike is.

I thought the bicyclists were bad at UGA, but my mind has been blown by the outrageousness of UNC riders.

For some reason, you bikers seem to think you should have first dibs on streets, bike lanes AND sidewalks.

You are supposed to stick to the street. It's the law. They even put a bike lane IN the street, so that you don't get pancaked. But you insist on trying as hard as you can to get pancaked anyway.

You don't wear helmets, you run red lights, and you don't stop at crosswalks.

Do you not realize you are quite vulnerable, and, in a fight, my odds are always on the bus? They have those flat fronts to make sure you have the pancake-look you so desire. None of this rolling over the hood stuff. I would even put my odds on an athlete's scooter over you - the first time a scooter has ever seen a mention of my odds. You would still lose.

As for being on sidewalks...what the heck, kids?

All I'm tryna do is get to Carroll Hall. You're on the sidewalks, whizzing past me like I'm in your way.

It is a SIDEWALK. Meant for PEDESTRIANS. Do not look at me outraged when I "get in your way."

You are a silent demon, lurking in the shadows of campus, just waiting for me to look away from you so that you can speed past me and make me pee a little in fear of my life.

Can I just walk to the bus in peace, please?

Regards,

Every campus pedestrian ever